JOCELYN
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Jocelyn Yeoh Shu YiKranji Secondary School
30June1993
Netballer
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Sunday, July 12, 2009, 3:32 AM
Netball
Was doing some self reflection last night.Then it comes down to netball again.
I think I'm a completely different person off court and on court.Off court I'm known to be blur,silly etc etc but on court I'm a totally different person. People tell me I look fierce,look serious etc.
Sometimes,I don't know if I'm fit to be a team player.During the seasons,I shouted,I screamed at my team mates for not fighting at their best.But Miss Ong once said something - Everyone has their off-form days. I probably forgot this whenever I'm on court.
Maybe it's because the hunger to overcome our opponents is too strong,maybe it's because I want to win so much that made me so impatient on court.I was never an encourager.I get pissed off,I get angry when I feel that my team mates are not fighting hard.
But somehow I forgot some things can't be controlled.You're on court,you want to put up a good game,you want to give your best,but something's just pulling you back. It just happened that you're having one of your off-form days.You didn't want it,you didn't mean it either.
I feel like I'm forcing my expectations on others.Before I step on court,I have certain expectations towards myself.I would tell myself wht I want my shooting percentage to be,how I'm not supposed to make any unforced errors etc.So I assumed others to be the same too.
Thinking back,that's really selfish of me.I shout at my team mates like I don't make mistakes ( in fact I do most of the games ) I forgot I myself will make mistakes too. I forgot in the midst of achieving what I feel is the best for the team,I would hurt others through my words.
Everytime after a game,I tell myself,it's not enough,it's not enough.So wht exactly do you define enough?In fact enough doesn't exist at all.People keep improving,and you have to improve too.So I thought I should improve,my team mates should improve too.But it's so selfish,people have different rates of change,and some doesn't just change over a week or so.Even I myself can't do it,so who am I to expect others to do the same?
I believe when every single player steps on court,they aim to put in their best.Sometimes,things just don't go the way they want.They're already trying dam hard,but it's just not coming out.I myself chance upon this kind of situation too. And,when people are already very demoralised having not able to be on form,someone just shouts at you and further demoralise you.I guess that pretty much sucks.
I know the seasons period has passed for 5 months already.But these are the stuffs I really want to say.It's been long,some might already forgot,or some might still have the impression,but I still wanna say sorry to every single one in the team. A late apology perhaps,but a sincere one.
Last night I felt that although netball has pushed me further,it somehow made my character ugly too.
Afterall,encouragements are still the best to push people on when they're down. Taking a step back,netball is not only a platform for me to reach out for my goals,I've to learn to care and love as well.
From today onwards,I'll learn to be an encourager:)
xjxj.
p/s:For the twins plz fulfil what you two promised me in the birthday cards ok! Remember,to play netball is a gift, so cherish it. :)