JOCELYN
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Jocelyn Yeoh Shu YiKranji Secondary School
30June1993
Netballer
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Tuesday, March 24, 2009, 10:18 AM
Hunger vs Passion.
It was a relief to reach home just now.I was having a damn bad headache and I felt damn sick.My mind was pondering over many different matters.Friends.Stress.Results.Netball.
Talked to Nadia bout netball stuffs just now.She also said she don't feel the same during training anymore.(Although we've already stepped down) Both of us thought that trainings aren't the same anymore.I still feel very happy the past few trainings.I still enjoy running on court.But the intensity is just not there.What is it that made us feel this way? Is it because zonals are over?
I dont know.But I am really damn afraid.I'm afraid this passion will die down eventually.I dont know if it'll die down but I know I don't want it to,because it's been something I've been holding on for so long.
I feel very very happy during training.I enjoy playing on court,doing drills and warm up.But when west zone comes,I feel very ambitious.It's like an auto switch mode kind of thing.I dont know why I feel this way.My hunger to win grew.And most of the times I'll end up playing the match because I want to win(mainly)I tell myself I must do my best and try to win.True,who doesn't want to win?But should we be really doing that?Why did the hunger to win overcome the passion for the game?Is it supposed to be this way?It's damn meaningless if I play just because I want to win.
But again.The hunger to win really pushes me forward.It made me take the extra mile,to work even harder.But is the initial motivation a positive one?I don't know.I'm super confused.I feel very disgusted by myself. Ask if I enjoyed any games in the seasons.Hmm MGS?No.Everything is so tensed up.You're so afraid that a pass will just be lost in your hands,a shot will just be missed by you.You worry for everything.But that's what competitions are about,right? The motivation should come from the passion for the game.But again.How do you define passion?
I am damn confused.I really don't know why I am worrying about these kind of things.But I really want to untie this knot within me.The passion for the game should develop me into a better person.It should be something healthy.But is the hunger to win something bad?I don't know.
Playing on court makes me happy.It takes away my trouble.It brings me satisfaction.I feel so carefree on court.But when it comes to competitions,it's a different story.Or are competitions meant to be like that?
I'M CONFUSED.
Passion,how do you define it?
p/s:It's nearing 2am now.But I still can't get to sleep....