JOCELYN
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Jocelyn Yeoh Shu YiKranji Secondary School
30June1993
Netballer
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Friday, April 4, 2008, 6:35 PM
ThursdayChemistry was really bad. I cried,but it wasn't for chemistry.Not at all.Only Zhenyi knows I guess.I tried very hard to not think of it,to control the tears but apparently I failed.I think it was th most wooha cry I've cried in school for my entire life.
After that was Maths,the tears didn't stop.It just kept flowing and flowing.I couldn't think.I dont know why. I can stop thinking bout it but I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing.When I'm doing a sum,the tear just roll down like that.My heart crushed. Things were bad.I mean really bad.
I had a really glum face and stuff during recess.It was rather okay during recess.But when we assembled in the parade square,it just have to start again. You might think it's childish to cry so long over ________ but you dont know cause you're not me.
History amazing race briefing after that.It was bad cause we will go for th race late as we had to attend th financial talk.):
Chinese was better,my eyes were really swollen but MdmYong just manage to cheer me up in some ways :D Went back to class,slacked about and talked with Yk,Melissa,Zy,Uziel and Brandon.Shared various experiences and it was hell funny.Uziel told me a joke which is so not funny.Oh well,till now I don't even get it -.-
Next up was financial talk,it was really boring.I began falling asleep and stuff. I couldn't help myself but to think of it now,perhaps I'll manage to keep myself awake if I take th effort too.Oh well.
Headed to amazing race. Ate linglongbao and it's so nice ! :D
Amazing race.
Facilitator : Zul,and maybe a bit of Jiazhi XD
Time : 2pm+
First station
Venue:School
Task:To find a piece of paper in the parade square.
We found the paper,and it was a poem. We're supposed to read the poem and sort out the literary devices the poet uses in his poem.We were damn spastic I swear.We got the poem and shoved it to Amelia,expecting her to give us the next clue -.- We looked at the poem,then the first thing which came to my mind was rhyme. Cause that's th most basic thing to have in a poem.Amelia was like " Wow,haha" IN THE END I WAS RIGHT OKAY.
Got the second station and then we didn't even see and started running out of the school ?!?! I was having a hard time chasing them with the linglongbao in my stomach and mouth T.T Reached the school gate and open the envelop.If the next station at school will be damn malu okay! :X HAHA. But it was national library.
So boarded MRT there, then Jiazhi told us our next station is changed to Arts House.So everyone went around asking where's art house and stuff.Then there's this lady and guy who were having their earphones on,we kept calling and they didnt reply . Super lmao!
Reached cityhall,then headed to citylink.Btw we took the wrong route. HAHA.But there's this funny incident which happened lah.Zhenyi and Yongkian were busy asking some passerbys while Melissa and me headed to CD drama and asked.There's this really funky guy at th counter.
Melissa and me : Excuse,do you know where's the art house?
Guy : Sure,wait a minute.
-he started typing "art house" and melissa and me thought it was damn technologised cause he's able to tell ask the location with a click.
Guy : Hmm,is it a vcd or dvd?
UHMMMMM -.- We totally broke into laughters and I couldn't stop -___- Haha,went around after that,reached several wrong locations and finally reached art house -.- I reckon we probably spent like 1 hour looking for it -.-
Second station
Venue:Art house
Task: Find the chief of justice who served the longest and shortest and the chief of justice who handled Maria Hertough's case.
We started finding.We managed to answer th first question but we just couldn't find the second answer! In the end,I heard from ting that its in some flip board -.- So we did a forfeit,which is to get telephone number from a security guard who's first day @ work.LOL,so cool please! So we went to find, and the first security guard managed to be at his first day of work ! :D So we asked and asked.
Us : Please uncle...we wont disclosed it one lah! We just have to do a forfeit..
Uncle : Cannot! Later my wife know how!
Us : Please.. We will throw away your number after that one!
Uncle : -thinks and gave us- So which one of you is going to give me your number?
-.-
Third station
Venue : White sir stamford raffles.
Task : Get 2 people to take 2 pictures posing like sir stamford raffles :D
Super easy task.I think we completed less than 4 minutes! Tourists were super on okay! Caucasians were like " oh okay , sure " Cool character :D :D
Next venue was some twin tower (chopstick like) and oh dear,we definitely had a rough and hard time finding it cause it was SUPER FAR AWAY T.T Ran there,and it was terribly fun ! :D
Fourth station
Venue : Chop-stick like tower.
Task : Count the number of storeys raffles hotel's got.
OMG.Damn dizzy okay ! ): It has 70+ storeys and we certainly had a hard time trying to count it.Make my eyes dizzy fizzy! LOL Luckily we got the answer right at the third attempt wahahaha :D
Next venue was victoria concert hall. Ran back again,and it started to pour ! ): We ran in the end and were really drenched ! Reached there,and played concentration plus bang bang game.SUPER FUN (: Took some spastic photos , locate them at Yk's/Melissa's blog :D :D
Headed back was really sad,started to think of those stuffs again but I didn't cry (: Reached lot one,went to buy Mac and headed back to school with redbra.
And th surprise arrived ! :D We brought th cake out and sang birthday song for lovely melissa.Shucks,she didn't cry): LOL.Jk, ate and stuff,headed home with tinggggg :D
Happy Birthday Melissa loveee :D
Overall the thing is damn fun! Thanks to all sec 4s who've organised this,esp our facilitator Zul and Jiazhi (: They got drenched because of us okay ! And of course mr ashley tan :D
Headed home and that's where another tragedy started again. All the doubtings start,and all the nightmares come haunting me again.
Anyway,thanks to Zhenyi,Melissa,Brandon,Uziel,MrTan,Isabel and some others. I guess you guys are the only ones who noticed my tears (:
Friday
Had house meeting,and after that was chinese.I had to stand up to read a paragraph OMGGGGGGGG XD LOL. Machiam first time please. Hmm,after that was english.Kinda okay.Maths was scary.MrYeo shouted real loud.Yeah,real loud! Headed for assembly after that.
Humanities debate! Not many screamed for 3E ): But I did scream okay. WE WONNNNN (: Good job to Shuhua,Yk,Awang and Sumin ! (: Shuhua even got the best speaker award.Like super coolstuff (:
Hcl kinda slack.Headed home to change to my sports shoes.They were wet!): But just wear,totally heck care.
Reached CCK stadium AND WTF I GET TO PASTE STICKERS FOR IBEX YAY.But not many teachers ran for Ibex! ): Viceprincipal rocks!!!(: He's a hero I love him HAHAHAHA.I can't say why though! I witnessed many Ibex runners and that's seriously a good thing okay! Thanks to everyone ;D
IBEX GOT THIRD WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.Grats to Jaguar and Rhino who got 1st and 2nd respectively.Other houses did a great job too ! (:
Then everyone got spastic.Okay,maybe only me.Y' know,stadium,tracks,running. AND A WANG HAHAHAHA.Started to imitate how A wang runs, and I suggested th A wang race ! (:
So Daniel.L,Yuting,Aloysius,Brandon,Keith,Daniel.C,Subhaan, and more joined in the race! We were supposed to run like A-wang HAHA. Stupid Daniel.L went around telling people that when I shout start! let me run alone and paiseh lo.WTF.
Dan.L : Eh..later jocelyn run liao everyone dont run okay.
Jocelyn : -Taps his shoulder and says hi -
He probably got a bad scare HAHA. We started laughing after that.
So the race started officially.And I thought they would run with me since I already know what they intended to do.IN THE END THEY DIDN'T WTHHHHH ): Left me alone running so malu can ! ):
Second attempt,only Aloysius and me ran! ): And aloysius ran because he know that nobody will run and dont want me to be so malu ! ROAR.
Emo liao.
Just kidding.
After that had 100m race,bunnyhopping race and many more SIAOSTUFF. HAHAA.Damn nice please ! :D Helped seniors take pictures OHMYGOD I'M SUCHA GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER YO.
Heh,went home after that cause I was really very tired and shagged.
Tuition later.4 hours.I'll endure.
************************************
Everyone's playing hard for me. I can't seem to find my confidence,my trueself,my thoughts,and my talent. Everyone's hitting me so hard that I seem to lose them all . I no longer know what I'm good at,and start doubting if I'm actually useful.
Coach did that once.She asked me to shoot and the others ran for me. They ran for me.I didn't dare to shoot after that.I was afraid to shoot everytime I imagine the team running for me.
And MrShasi have to do that again.
My confidence drowned in this reality.
Netball, passion? Why am I thinking that netball trainings are boring these few weeks ? Do I even have the passion ? Or is the passion there because I'm always in the main team?If I were to be a reserve/recreational player,would I still work as hard?
I dont know why this thought come to my mind.I really want to do my best.But after the shooting and chemistry lesson . I started doubting myself on studies,netball,life,friends,everything. And it's all ruining me. Somehow I've lost my direction in life.I dont know where I stand now.I dont know what I seek for in life now.I dont know what I should achieve or do in life now. This' hitting me hard , real hard.
Just get your ass down on th chair and study and prove to the teachers you say.
But it's not easy y' know.
I really want to stand up even taller and stronger after I fall.But I can't seem to do that. I can no longer find the strength I needed to help me up again.Myself? I'm useless,remember?
Everything's so screwed up. These are only minor downs in my life,yet I can't even survive it. Is my mentality really that weak..?
But thank you MrShasi,your words are true.They're like a slap hit right on my face.But without them,I might not have woken up back to this harsh reality.
Help.