JOCELYN
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Jocelyn Yeoh Shu YiKranji Secondary School
30June1993
Netballer
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Friday, February 22, 2008, 8:39 PM
People I'm backkkk! 8)Thursday's night was disastrous ):
Friday :D
Woke up with totally swollen eyes. Then it happened again in the morning.Sighz. Headed to school in a really really lousy mood. Didnt talk and crap like I usually would do.Sorry for those who tried to talk to me yet I attituded or just replied very fuyan . Yeah.
English was okay.Did on improper letter writing yeah.Quite fun actually.But well,although I didnt have the mood to study,I still listened attentively k.Second period of english better because I felt better LOL.
HMT was okay.Mdm yong didnt come.I love zenglaoshi's lesson (: At least occasionally she'll tell us funny(as in really funny) stories.She lets us listen to songs etc but at the same time we're not slacking yeah. Kind of a pity she everytime only gets to sit down and stone.while mdmyong does the talking.Oh well,she wants it this way we can do nothing bout it.
Recess was insane.We did the makan cheer.Kind of stupid but doing it with nikar spells nothing but fun (: Recess have been fabulous these two days because the sec 4s and sec 5s are having their common test(: But next week it's back-to-normal.*shrugs*
Maths.Mr Yeo was absent again for he went for course.Practically slacked since we've finished our work yo.(: Chatted with Uziel bout Primary school life.Just kept laughing.Then the relief teacher Jin Han / Melvin(totally forgot his name) came to the back and crapped with zy uziel brandon and me.Can't believe he's a dancer! Then we asked him to guess our CCA and I can't believe he said Uziel was a scout boy! Damn funny please!And he guessed that I'm a netballer just because I sat with my legs open.ZZZ.Damn funny k! Funny teacher.He looks like a angmoh but wtf,he can speak chinese so fluently *arbish*
Breaktime,hear Brandon plays the guitar.Darn,he's damn good @ it! Went macs to have take away.Ate outside the AVA room in a circle,like a big family(: Damn love!:D
HMT lessons,just did paper 2,which I believed I'll fail badly.):
Headed down,kind of shocked to see no poles/netballers.Went down and saw najiha they all.They told us tht training's cancelled.I felt happy/relieved or whatever you say.Elaborating on that later.
Went for ssc duty instead.Slacked a bit,played carrom.All I hit,damn tyco! Played frisbee after that with really lots of people.Went up to the hall and help shift the chairs.Damn emo because I've got a god damn bad headache): Went down,took a netball and went shooting @ basketball court alone.Felt alived suddenly.Played frisbee again,it's not a good game.As in I dont really like playing with my team cause I feel invisible.When there's once I managed to get the frisbee @ the line,I told them I managed to do that cause my existence was redundant.Played 4vs4 after that,it was better!(: Walked in th rain with tinq sh0 r0mantiiczx w00rrhxzx ( omg!) HAHA.
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Y' kno,when I knew tht training was cancelled on friday,I was happy/relieved for the same time. I dont know why.In the past,if we're not running 2.4km on fridays I'll get damn pissed off.But yesterday I was really relieved when I heard training's been cancelled.Is my passion running out?Or is my passion not strong enough?But after that when I'm @ the sports centre,I felt scared.I was afraid this netball passion of mine won't last long.I'm afraid I wont be able to fly and soar on court again.I'm afraid I wont get back the feeling which can make relieve all stresses when I'm on court.Ever since that incident,I dread to perform individually. In the past I used to play like carefree-ly , I tell myself I will only focus on the ball and make the game a good one.But now I'm afraid of every single mistake I make.Every shot that I wont make it count.
Furthermore,it's a totally new division formed this year! With like 30+ people fighting for just 12 places.And training with them is totally a different feeling!Okay for that maybe I'm not that adaptable that's why.I hope this situation improves though. However I just feel that the whole team morale just went down like that.The beliefs and things I used to count on in the past when I'm hanging on a thread is now useless.When I lost hope in netball stuff,I only have myself to count on.Everything is just so different now.Training has been teaching basics,since we've lost to basics during zonals. Coach's been impatient with us cause we're forever making so many silly mistakes and not doing her drills right.And when coach gets impatient,I start to tense up.I start to have butterfingers and inaccurate shots.I feel lost.
And this is damn ironic.Netball,netball trainings,are supposed to be something I enjoy doing,something I can get free from studies,family problems and stuff.But now, it became something that's included in my "problems" . And I dont know what I can confide into if I want to relieve stress.I seriously dont know,and I seriously dont want this to happen .The feeling is just so different.You would never know how much I want the feeling to be back,the touch and drive to be back.And the problem is,I can't find them back. I need time .Yes,maybe time can help.
And the school.Thank you so much for not supporting us. I thank you for that. To think when all goes wrong,I blame myself for not working hard enough.Yes,THANKS A MILLION.Kranji made me enjoy CCA,not. I know I've said it many times.But you know what.I feel so fake now.During zonals,on the way to games,I tell myself I must win the game to prove to the school.To prove to the school badminton isn't everything and netball isn't nothing.During games I tell myself I must win to prove to prove to prove to prove to prove.Nothing but to prove.When we picked ourselves up,please don't bring us down again.Thank you.
These few days I feel so mentally drained,because of family,because of netball,etc. At the hardest times I tell myself I must pick myself up.But apparently I've failed. There's so many things.Netball,I'll work even harder for it.Family,I've done all I could. But fret not people,all I need is time for me to pick myself up. Because I believe,when heaven gives us problems/hardest situation, we're also given the courage to face them,to deal with them.It's all in the mind,it's all up to ourselves.
Therefore,I believe,I can,I must,I will.
Time.