:)

Was doing some self reflection last night.

Then it comes down to netball again.

I think I'm a completely different person off court and on court.Off court I'm known to be blur,silly etc etc but on court I'm a totally different person. People tell me I look fierce,look serious etc.

Sometimes,I don't know if I'm fit to be a team player.During the seasons,I shouted,I screamed at my team mates for not fighting at their best.But Miss Ong once said something - Everyone has their off-form days. I probably forgot this whenever I'm on court.

Maybe it's because the hunger to overcome our opponents is too strong,maybe it's because I want to win so much that made me so impatient on court.I was never an encourager.I get pissed off,I get angry when I feel that my team mates are not fighting hard.

But somehow I forgot some things can't be controlled.You're on court,you want to put up a good game,you want to give your best,but something's just pulling you back. It just happened that you're having one of your off-form days.You didn't want it,you didn't mean it either.

I feel like I'm forcing my expectations on others.Before I step on court,I have certain expectations towards myself.I would tell myself wht I want my shooting percentage to be,how I'm not supposed to make any unforced errors etc.So I assumed others to be the same too.

Thinking back,that's really selfish of me.I shout at my team mates like I don't make mistakes ( in fact I do most of the games ) I forgot I myself will make mistakes too. I forgot in the midst of achieving what I feel is the best for the team,I would hurt others through my words.

Everytime after a game,I tell myself,it's not enough,it's not enough.So wht exactly do you define enough?In fact enough doesn't exist at all.People keep improving,and you have to improve too.So I thought I should improve,my team mates should improve too.But it's so selfish,people have different rates of change,and some doesn't just change over a week or so.Even I myself can't do it,so who am I to expect others to do the same?

I believe when every single player steps on court,they aim to put in their best.Sometimes,things just don't go the way they want.They're already trying dam hard,but it's just not coming out.I myself chance upon this kind of situation too. And,when people are already very demoralised having not able to be on form,someone just shouts at you and further demoralise you.I guess that pretty much sucks.

I know the seasons period has passed for 5 months already.But these are the stuffs I really want to say.It's been long,some might already forgot,or some might still have the impression,but I still wanna say sorry to every single one in the team. A late apology perhaps,but a sincere one.

Last night I felt that although netball has pushed me further,it somehow made my character ugly too.

Afterall,encouragements are still the best to push people on when they're down. Taking a step back,netball is not only a platform for me to reach out for my goals,I've to learn to care and love as well.

From today onwards,I'll learn to be an encourager:)

xjxj.

p/s:For the twins plz fulfil what you two promised me in the birthday cards ok! Remember,to play netball is a gift, so cherish it. :)

追不到，也抓不牢。

Is it you, or is it me?

So we're now left with the 2 sciences MCQ.Hmm.Amaths was crap,srsly.It's just till th extent tht I dont wanna think how badly I'll fare.

After exams,headed t pizza with a few nikars t have lunch.We're like the 1st group of customers!!:) Tried th curry chicken so spicy x100million!
So th nikar people were ps,zy,yk,a,yt,dan and me!:D

Went t peisi's house t play mahjong for like 5hours HAHA,quite cool right!:D Heh.It's dam fun and I finally know how t make combo.I only won the first few sets cause they only play 1 tai. After tht I lose all th way zz hahaha.

It's super funny and mahjong and ultrafun plz!:) I have a great time with them lovex3 hahaha.twit nei.

Camwhore after tht zmg we've got really stupid-looking photos HAHA.Headed t pastamania for dinner. Reached home at 8pm+.

Overall today(until now I hope) is a very happy day :D

I miss netball suddenly.But I'm not rly in the competitive mode now.I just hope cca will resume next week or so,so I can have th chance,touch the ball,shoot,and do passes.And yes I'll be satisfied.

Sometimes things don't go th way we want them to,do they?


I think this is like the one and only normal looking photos.


Zhenyi and me catfighting.(Zhenyi's like vibrating HAHA)


Totally quarrelling.HAHA.


Failed shot.


Spastic.


1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Why emo?):


AUNTY LUCY HAHAHAH.

Last but not least,picture of the day.











-drumrolls-














































PLEASE LOOK AT SHUM ZHEN YI.HAHAHAHA.

xjxj.

Haven't been blogging.Have been sleeping at 3am++ this week.It's like I'm immune to the sleeping thing already.I feel tired,I want to sleep,but I can't sleep.

Anw,I really screwed up prelim 1 big time.My chem was rly bad ): Phy was stupid cause I totally did the q wrongly on th 1st page. SS and history were tough and I totally lost like 20marks immediately(yes no joke). Amaths was worse tday,I got all my integration wrong yes all. ):I'll be happy if I pass my maths and combined humans.

I think this just tells me that I have t work harder for prelim2. Time to put all these down and move on.It's not the time to cry over spilled milk,not the time to dwell on it even further.It's time to move on.

I just need more than determination,and yes,I'll get it over and done with.

xjxj.

I'm real shagged now.I slept @ 3am after I finished reading the storybook.The story is not bad but dave pelzer's a child called it is still way better.

Woke up today and started work at bout 1.30 till 4.30pm then I had breakfast+lunch+dinner then went back t work at bout 6pm and studied till 10pm now.Lots of memorising to be done and yes I think I rly challenged myself to my limit cause I feel like vomitting now): Like really vomit when I see those piles of ws.

But I'm proud of myself today.Cause I didn't even touch the com till now .Hahah,a lot of people can do tht,but to me it's a mission impossible.

Yesterday night was crap.Thought bout lots of stuffs and it's tormenting,rly.I miss you then but not since.

I think I really need a break now. Shall watch tv for an hour then read through ss I want a1 for ss so I must jiayou.

xjxj.

Can.someone.talk.to.me.now.

Today was crazy.

I slept at 12am ytd,woke up at 11am today.Realised I slept too much so I started work at 12pm till 4.30pm doing amaths.Tutor late so he came at 5pm.Had lessons till 7pm.So that's like 7hours of amaths.Minus 1.5 eating and slacking time HAHA.

Super siao bout amaths now.I love amaths!!hahaha! Make up lesson this tues jiayou me.

Chemistrying after dinner later.BYE!:D

xjxj.